Sweet Emotions

My child has officially passed the 5 month mark! I know they say "time flies", but it has literally FLOWN by.

I can't believe Christmas is almost here and 2014 will be over. This year has been life changing. I've always said that I'd never have a child and to be quite honest... I probably never would have. Every time I even thought about being pregnant I would get a rush of heat over my body. It terrified me. I hate needles and pain. My pain tolerence is really low and I just can't handle having a child, at least this is what I thought. I cried when I saw those two lines appear on the pregnancy test because I instantly thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. Me? A mom? Pregnancy? Labor? C-section? No way I can do any of that. And then 9 months went by with an awful 1st trimester full of nausea, multiple shots, countless blood being drawn, glucose test, 3 hour glucose test...KIDNEY STONES, and then the c-section. I handled it all like a CHAMP! I didn't really have a choice in the matter, but I did it. I guess as Whitney Houston would says, "I didn't know my own strength."

It was only an hour after I had Monroe and Phil asked me if I would do it again. If you know me, you know I hesitate on just about everything. I don't know if it was the drugs or the high of being a new mom, but I instantly with no hesitation said YES!  I'd do it all again because seeing your child for the first time is worth all the pain and morning sickness. It's worth spending a week in the hospital for kidney stones. It's worth that AWFUL 3 hour glucose test. Here I am 5 months later with a sweet little girl who lights up every time I plug the Christmas tree in. It makes my world slow down as she slowly gravitates her hand towards the tree branch and strokes it with her tiny fingers.

It's not easy being a mom. You always feel like you are doing something wrong. It's not like a puppy, you are creating a human! You don't want to screw them up. You want them to grow up and not have any problems or be someone else's problem. You want them to succeed and be gentle. You want them to respect themselves and others. You want them to be kind and caring, but not be a door mat at the same time. You want all these things for your child but there is no manual. How do you create a kind, independent, succesful and respectful extrovert?

xoxo